I did it again. Promised myself to Be A Better Blogger and then did the exact opposite. The last few months have been a whirlwind (who am I kidding? Life has been a whirlwind since the minute I stepped off that plane in October), planning out Josh's visit, stressing over said visit, blissfully enjoying said visit, and of course feeling like someone had died as soon as I left him at the airport 10 days later and drove home in tears that lasted for days. There's also been the little detail of figuring out what comes next. That little, hugely significant detail has been on my mind since March and has felt pretty all consuming ever since. My Visa expires at the end of September and while it's only June, I am without a doubt certain (and have been for a while now) that I'm no where near ready to end this adventure. I miss my family and friends every day and I've now been away for countless significant milestones and events where I wanted nothing more than to hop a plane and be with the ones I love, but I know going back too soon would be a mistake. I would be lying to myself, and at the risk of sounding dramatic, setting myself up for failure and nagging feelings of regret. Which terrifies me. Would I be miserable? Certainly not. My life would be full with family and friends and love. I've been struggling with my feelings on balancing my responsibilities to those I love and my responsibilities to myself. Selflessness and selfishness. If anything, I think that in order to be the best version of myself for the ones I love, I have to be true to myself. And right now that truth is on this side of the Atlantic. Maybe I'll never feel ready to go back- but the decisions and sacrifices I've made up to this point have been more than enough to convince me to follow my instincts and stick with this crazy, unpredictable, sometimes frustrating but ultimately fulfilling experience.
Now that the intensive soul searching is out of the way, time to start the hard part- navigating and dealing with all of the French bureaucracy required to extend my stay... ;)